Sunday, October 5, 2014

Damn it's been a while. New review! Blank by Lippe Simone!

I just sat down and realized I haven't updated in about a month. It's not because I didn't have anything to read, I just haven't actually found any books worth reviewing. I try to share books I like, or love, because it's a lot easier to write a review of something you like than it is to trash something that just isn't good.

That being said, unfortunately this review is going to be for a book that I can't recommend, Blank by Lippe Simone.



Basically, imagine an apocalypse that happens because everyone forgets everything. Pilots forget how to fly, people forget how to drive, etc.

Now, take that idea, and make it boring.

Now you have this book.

The idea that people would still be people but would not know anything about anything was a tremendously interesting idea to me. It's a very novel and unique way of bringing around an apocalypse without the overuse of zombies.

The problem is, when using this idea, when you change literally 99% of the characters shown in the book into tribal cavemen, there is a LOT less interesting things to the apocalypse and a shitload more "Holy shit this is boring as hell!"

There are 3 main characters, all of whom suck. There are plot developments that literally come out of nowhere and end up being done for no reason because otherwise there's not a reason for it to happen and the scenery of it would be SO COOL.

It's just a waste of a good premise for a book.

Example, one of the people who retains some of their memory is a woman who goes to the zoo and opens all the animal enclosures. Why? No reason. The only plot related reason is so she can throw fruit at monkeys later in the book so they chase after people chasing her, and panthers/lions/etc chase after the monkeys and she gets away. That's it.

Oh yea, the reason we all lose our memory and go tribal and retarded is because of solar radiation that somehow fries just one part of our brain.


As I said, the idea that everyone forgets everything could have been an amazing premise for a book. Hell, it still is. Imagine being in a nuclear power plant and having no idea why that red light is blinking but just knowing that it's a bad thing. Imagine being a pilot and suddenly not knowing how or why you are driving this big thing with the tons of controls, and no one on the ground can help.

There are SO MANY different options you can choose, even down to "soldier stuck in nuclear launch facility with THE SHINY RED BUTTON" but yet, instead of going with any of those, we get 3 main characters who are all boring, in boring situations, doing boring things, for boring and nonsensical reasons.

The final plot twist/reveal is just lame. There is literally nothing good about this book other than the lack of spelling errors and the cover itself. Terrific premise, great ideas, and it wastes them all. This book is the equivalent of a great quote from Shakespeare.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale 
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury 
Signifying nothing.

— Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-28) 

When you can summarize your reaction to a book with a literary Shakespearean fart joke, it's a bad book.

1 out of 5 crashing planes.